What if animals did turn against us?!?!

I’ve recently started watching Zoo, a pretty cheesy but surprisingly good CBS show around an interesting concept: what if animals, basically, got tired of our kak, were no longer scared of us, and decided to claim their spot on the top of the food chain.

Based on the novel by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge, it got me thinking about what chance I would have of surviving my household. Yes, Megan and I actually had this discussion…

zoo-header

We have two hounds [truth be told, “hounds” is not really a fair description — they’re a cross of mostly Jack Russel and Miniature Pinscher, so they’re really small little muttos] that are my favourite things in the world. But, with their sharp teeth and even sharper claws, could probably do some damage in the world that Zoo espouses [espouses…is that the right word? I don’t even know. Whatever…moving on].

So how would they take us out? Here are some of the things we came up with:

Death by drowning — Pavlov [the bigger of the two] and Laika are particularly fold of licking. If they really wanted to, they could drown us in slobber.

dog cuddle
Ja…they might look cute and cuddly…but that’s just them lulling us into a false sense of security.

 

Death by chicken [and other toys] — If they got their placement right [and you know that they can because Zoo said so], the mutts could quite easily place their soft-joy chicken, their red rubber bone or their Zakumi teddy bear thingie on the stairs for us to trip over. It would be cunning and would look accidental…

Death by bankruptcy  — If you’ve ever taken your dogs to the vet you will know how just how expensive it can be. The moment Pavlov and Laika realise this, we’re screwed! They’ll start faking injuries and illnesses just to get us to take them to the dog-doc. Bank balance empty and ultimately forced to fend for ourselves and live off the land. We won’t make it.

dog training
It might look like playing…but they’re actually in training!

Death by suffocation — Dogs like to cuddle, or dogs in particular. If they place themselves just right they can definitely lie strategically to block our noses and mouths and kill us. It’s true! And it can happen…

dog skeptical
Skeptical dog is skeptical…of my position as “pack leader”.

**Zoo airs on M-Net on Fridays at 8.30pm**

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