Things Rebecca Black taught me

Man, it must be tough to be a 13-year-old… It’s been a long time since I was 13 (it’s been 13 years, ironically enough) and it seems that teenagers are facing a plethora (would a 13-year-old even know what that means?) of bewildering challenges and decisions.
 
Thanks to Rebecca Black, I’ve learned a number of things that teens must come to grips with.
 
Firstly, the choices they have to face are nothing short of mind-blowing. When a friend pulls up in a car (never mind that she’s hanging around with guys at least five years older than her…) she has to decide whether to sit in the front seat or the back seat. “Which seat shall I take?” she asks herself. Seldom before has such a vital, life-changing decision needed to be made.
 
Before that, though, Rebecca Black also taught me that there is nothing more important than a good breakfast. She has to go downstairs in the morning and have her bowl of cereal. Mom always said: “Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” Thanks, Rebecca, for reminding me of this.
 
She genius that is Miss Black also has superhero powers. That’s correct. She is Captain Obvious! Queue rapturous applause. She teaches the world that she has to go to the bus stop where she’s got to catch the bus. Coming from a country where buses and taxis stop at will, I had forgotten that buses stop at bus stops and that this is the correct place to embark and disembark (that means get on and get off, just in case there are 13-year-olds reading this). Thank you, ma’am.
 
Rebecca Black also taught me that repetition is a good thing if you’re trying to get a message across. Fridays are “fun, fun, fun, fun, fun” according to get. They’re not amazing, stupendous, delightful, wonderful or grand. No, they are fun – fun x fun x fun x fun x fun x fun. You know, fun-fun-fun-fun-fun sounds much more, erm… fun, than any of the other words. Thanks, again, Rebecca.
 
Most importantly, Rebecca Black taught me not to forget the basics and remember just how important the end of the week is. If today is Friday, yesterday was Thursday. Today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday and then Sunday comes afterwards. These are immortal words and shows just how well schools are teaching the next generation. Rebecca Black will never be one of those people who says, “Today feels like a Saturday” when it is, if fact, a Friday. Oh, no. She knows her days of the week much better than that. Now if only the rest of the world would learn this unspeakably important life lesson. Actually, I’d like this to become part of the Life Orientation subjects taught at South African schools. Thanks, Bekkie.
 
More than just the life lessons Miss Black bestows on us through her songs, she also teaches us that the world has gone freaking crazy! How can THAT song get millions and millions of hits on YouTube? How can she get such attention for what is an utter piece of crap? Why are we even taking notice of her? There’s something wrong with the world when “Friday” makes Rebecca Black richer than most could ever wish to be. She doesn’t deserve the attention.
 
In fact, why am I even writing this blog? Dammit. Okay, thanks, bye.

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