Hello, everyone. Gather ’round. It’s confession time. Are you ready? Good.
I hate Bruno Mars.
Yes, I know this doesn’t make me special given how many people hate him. But it’s still a confession I need to make. And I hate him not because he’s super slick and has a decent voice. It’s not because he’s more commercially successful than many of the bands I enjoy. It’s not even because I could feel women parts growing on me as I stood in line at Musica buying the album for my girlfriend’s sister.
I hate Bruno Mars because of the retarded lyrics in that “Grenade” song.
Honestly, “Grenade” has the worst lyrics I’ve heard in a long time – and, yes, this is even during a time that he’s competing against Eminen and Rihanna’s “Love The Way You Lie”. Here are the lyrics (chorus only):
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I’d do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;
But you won’t do the same
That’s correct, Bruno Mars, the person you’re singing this to won’t “do the same” because they’re not stupid. They don’t want to die. Apparently you do – that’s what your lyrics suggest, anyway.
You see, there’s a difference being dying to save someone and dying for them. In the first case, you’re actually being nice. In the latter, you’re being a creepy-ass stalker. Think about it… Just read about all the insane people who set themselves on fire because some guy/girl won’t have a relationship with them or won’t accept their sexual advances.
That’s what you’re saying you’ll do, Bruno Mars: you’re willing to kill yourself for a girl beause she won’t dig you back. That’s just a little bit silly, do you think? Stalker.