Bollywood schmollywood: the tale of the irritating two

Never before have two women irritated me more. Their shrill voices tore through my brain like a Malema speech on Youth Day. They were dreadful.

Of course, I’m talking about the two MCs at The New Age Friendship Concert (or whatever it was called) after the T20 match between SA and India at the Moses Mabhida Stadium on Sunday. Terina Patel and Claudia Henkel were simply disasterous. With the amount of money the Gupta’s spent on the night, they certainly wasted it on these two…

Okay, so that’s just an intro to the type of review this event is about to get. I have to break it down into the cricket and the concert, with various things in between.

So, okay, here goes…

CRICKET

The occasion: Saying farewell to Makhaya Ntini wasn’t fun.

A legend departing is never fun, but on Sunday “The Mdingi Express” played his last ever game in a Proteas shirt. Him facing the last ball of the match was perhaps fitting, a symbolic end to a career that has delighted thousands.

Goodbye, Makkie – and thank you

The match: Decent, without being spectacular.

This was a good game on a low, slow pitch. Short boundaries made it higher-scoring that it probably should have been. India were excellent, South Africa choked (somewhat typically). Exciting as it ebbed to and fro for the first 34 overs. Fitting start to the upcoming ODI series.

The crowd: I have never had as much fun as I did sitting in the stands at a cricket match. It was delightful.

"Son of Shah Rukh"

Went with a colleague Masood Boomgaard (@masoodboomgaard on Twitter) and a good mate, magician Mo Magic (@MoMagic on Twitter). We laughed, we cheered, we chirped. It was lovely. The banter between Indian and SA supporters was spectacular – especially from a guy who danced insanely every time India did something cool (we later christened him the illigitimate love child of Shah Rukh Khan). It was simply spectacular.

The venue: Phenomenal.

The more and more I visit the Mumbia Mabhida Sta… oops… I mean the Moses Mabhida Stadium, the more I fall in love with it. There can surely be no better venue than this in the country. It needs to host more events, whether it be sports or concerts. It is simply spectacular.

CONCERT

Disclaimer: I have never been to a Bollywood-themed event or show. I had no idea what to look for. This review is based on what I would expect in terms of entertainment and energy. Nothing more, nothing less.

Effing politics: This made me so angry.

Gupta, Prez JZ and Zweli - an even they looked unimpressed by all the ass-kissing

I think the name “The New Age” was mentioned about 478 million times, and Gupta was thanked as least double this amount. It was ridiculous. Honestly. This was political grandstanding and branding like I’ve never seen before – and it was pathetic. It was cheesy and it was so blatently obvious that people were kissing ass that it terrified me. The SA politicians who came on were terrible, including Arts Minister Paul Mashitile who called Shah Rukh Khan (the main man on the bill) Farouk Khan. How do you make such a mistake? Bloody hell.

MCs: Okay, so you know where this is heading…

They were pathetic – good looking, but completely pathetic. Why they felt it necessary to scream into a mic I don’t know, but they did, and did so often. It was amateur. They didn’t know how to read from telepromters and paused in all the wrong places. The excited crowd was IMMEDIATELY turned off by their useless, ass-kissing rambling. Gutpa’s have money and should have hired better people – like four-year-old children.

Stage: Simply remarkable.

The pyrotechnics were outstanding, the lighting was amazing and the production was excellent. I don’t know how much they spent on the stage, but it was worth it. Simply spectacular.

Performances: Um… where to start…

So the Bollywood style of music isn’t my thing, but even I was dancing in the stands (well, kind of dancing – you can’t really call what I do “dancing”). Prianka Chopra was outstanding. Shah Rukh Khan was lively and gripping. The okes who drummed at the beginning were excellent. Locnville lip-sync’d, which is sad because their stage presence is actually pretty good. Two lighties on a massive stage keeping 50 000 people captivated is impressive. If only they were singing…

OVERALL

I loved it. It was amazing. And I think that things like this should happen more often. In fact, got a mate who’s busy thinking up an even more spectacular event. Watch this space…

And don’t worry, we won’t use those two MCs!

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