There is nothing more sexy than a man in a Panama hat.
I can only assume that this is what Thembeka Ngcobo thought as she walked down the asile to tie the knot with top cop Bheki Cele at Lynton Hall on Saturday. She’s a lovely looking girl and he…well…wears nice hats. It can only be those hats that makes him so attractive.
Or maybe it isn’t.
What if Bheki “Pimp Hand” Cele is a machine in bed? What if his service pistol isn’t the only big thing he keeps tucked in his trousers? Not a great thought, but one that bears thinking about.
Cele is also known for his outrageous statements at press conferences and in general converation with journalists. Can you imagine what he might say in bed? I can…
Here is a selection of “What Bheki Cele says in bed” statements, which I started on Twitter on Saturday. All are mine, unless otherwise indicated.
“Who’s your Bheki? I said, who’s your Bheki?” (courtesy of Barry Tuck)
“Baby, blow my vuvuzela.”
“Tonight I’ll be quicker than a blue light convoy.”
“If you put your chest out, I’ll put something else in.”
“Treat me right and my general will stand at attention.”
“Forget JZ. Tonight, baby, I’m bringing my machine gun.”
“Eish, darling, tonight I won’t shoot no blanks.”
“For you my love, I’ll be gentle. Like I am on ANC cadres.”
“Baby, tie me up like a bastard criminal.”
“Ooh, ooh, ooh. Baybeee. Tonight I shoot to kill.”
(any my favourite) “Be rough on me like a taxi boss.”
Got any suggestions of your own? Email them to email@example.com. You can also follow me on Twitter (matthewsavides) and post with the ta #whatbhekicelesaysinbed