The computer beeped loudly, signalling that an email had just come in. It was big news. Huge news – massive, even! Certainly the most important news of the day.
At this time every year footballers are traded like slaves, sold from one club to another despite (in some cases) not really wanting to move. It makes headlines as obscene amounts of money changes hands. But today, in that email, the biggest signing of the summer had been annouced. It is a signing that will surprise you.
No, it’s not the return to England of David Beckham. It’s not even some youngester that shone during the World Cup. Although, if you guessed that it involved the World Cup and England, then you’re on the right track… Unless, of course, you were speculating that the holder of the signature is a human. If you thought that, you’re way off the mark.
Ladies and gentlemen, the biggest signing of the summer is… *drum roll please*… Paul Octopus!
Yep, that’s right, people. Paul the predicting octopus has annocued that he’s making a comeback, just months after retiring after a successful World Cup campaign. Thousands around the world have rejoiced, especially those in England. For, you see, Paul has backed the England 2018 soccer World Cup bid.
This was the statement from his agent:
“Paul has spent the last two years of his life in Germany but he is definitely a proud Englishman,” Weymouth Sea Life Center (where Paul was hatched) manager Nicola Hamilton said. “We have had a number of football approaches from around the world but Paul was only ever going to choose his homeland.”
He might not be the best at sweet-talking those hard-nosed Fifa executives, but Paul’s responsibility at his new club will to generate publicity and support for the England bid. He joins a team that includes Beckham, Sting, Lewis Hamilton and some other British blokes.
Paul won’t, however, be predicting any winners. And that makes me sad.