Transfer news: Moron Paul the Octopus (Oops! I mean “More on Paul the Octopus”)

The World Cup has been an amazing spectacle, and many players have shot into the spotlight. Thomas Mueller (Or Müller, depending on which “official” team list you look at) and Ozil of Germany are now huge transfer targets for big European clubs.  Kevin Prince-Boateng, Asamoah Gyan and Ayew (all of Ghana) have also started attracting big interest following their performances.

But there is one transfer target that is attracting all the headlines. No, it’s not Wayne Rooney, Fernando Torres, Steven Gerrard or even Cesc Fabregas…

His name is Paul. He’s Italian-born, but plies his trade in Germany. He’s nimble, well balanced and deceptively accurate despite his flailing eight legs. That’s right, EIGHT legs. Tenticles, actually. Like any good professional footballer, he doesn’t have that big a brain – or even a brain at all – and he relies purely on instinct.

I’m talking about Paul Oracle-Octopus. He’s wanted by the Spanish giants in Madrid, if the transfer speculation is correct. This is what news agency AP had to say:

BERLIN: Octopus oracle Paul’s prescience wasn’t needed to predict how this one would turn out: His aquarium in Germany says there’s no way they’re sending the celebrity mollusk to Spain.
The response comes after the Madrid Zoo made an unspecified bid for the octopus, who famously predicted the outcome of Germany’s seven World Cup matches correctly and tipped Spain to triumph over the Netherlands in the final.
The Madrid Zoo made its offer after receiving hundreds of requests from Spaniards for Paul’s transfer after Spain won the World Cup on Sunday.
Sea Life Aquarium Oberhausen spokeswoman Kerstin Kuehn told The Associated Press on Friday that it is “completely out of the question” to sell – or even lend – Paul to the Spanish zoo.

So Paul isn’t moving. And he isn’t even going out on loan. My view on all of this: These are the types of stories that should be written about Paul Oracle-Octopus. These are the bizarre, fun, amusing types of news stories that should be written. Not this nonsense about him predicting results and people betting based on his predictions. This is quirky journalism.

Paul, you’re slowly getting back in my good books. But only if you sign for Arsenal.


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