Sex, drugs and dodgy Aussies – how the World Cup changed me

Socceroos fans have changed my entire world view. True story.

The Dutch fans are really orange. The English sing a lot – they cry a lot, too, but they do have a lot to cry about. The American fans are loud. The Brazilians and Portugese like to destroy the giant replica Jabulani ball that stood at the Moses Mabhida Stadium.

But these were all boring compared to the Australians. They chose Durban as their base (so maybe they do have taste, contrary to popular belief), so naturally I’m going to take a shine to them. It was more than this, though. They were fun. They were a jol. They made me laugh.

Walking from the Fan Fest on the beachfront to the Moses Mabhida Stadium for the Socceroo’s clash against the Germans on June 13, a sung filtered through the air. It was as catchy as it was melodic, and you could tell that a lot of thought went into it’s lyrics.

Aussie boys, we are here / Shag your women, drink your beer / With a knick-knack paddy-whack, give a dog a bone / F**k off Deutchland, f**k off home.

With that, some Germans played their vuvuzelas to drown out the beautiful chanting. Big mistake… The Aussies responded:

We will stick your vuvuzela up your arse (clap clap) / We will stick your vuvuzela up your arse (clap clap)  / We will stick it, we will stick it, we will stick it, we will stick it (clap clap) / We will stick your vuvuzela up your arse (clap clap)

This World Cup has done something to me. Something I’m not really keen to admit. I’ll probably regret saying this, and my friends will torture me endlessly by reminding me of what I once said. But here goes: I like Australians. There, I said it!

Halala, Australia, halala!

So what if they shag sheep, and seem to think that Bruce, Sheila and Bob are the only names permitted for use? So what if they have a new Prime Minister that vaguely resembles a woman? So what if their national animal is a dodgy kangaroo type thing (and not Crocodile Dundee, as my nephew once told me)? I like them, okay! They sing about sex, drugs and giving enemas with a trumpet. What’s not to like?

Viva, Socceroos, viva!

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